It’s the National Adoption month and this time we have a story shared by a mum on her late mother. In a country like ours, there are now stricter laws on adoption and how it should be legally done. But a decade or two earlier and even now in communities or in rural areas, adopting a child takes a new meaning especially if it happens within families. Hardly the legal formalities are completed and this can remain as a vacuum.
Society does have a huge impact on the way we live and this story shared talks on why it is important to go through the legal route in terms of adoption. Should it matter? Yes of course it should as there are emotions involved especially of the child being raised.
Amrita Sharma, a mum herself to young boys talks to Mums and Stories, on adoption if it happens within the family circles. This is a taboo subject and generally people don’t want to even acknowledge the subject or the situation.
Amrita recollects, “My mom was like an angel in my life. There are multiple occasions when I think about her and miss her terribly.
( Amrita with her late mum, a childhood picture).
It began when two sisters who were really close to each other decided on something that would impact my life in a tremendous way.
My own mom who is by mum who gave birth and the one who took care of me were siblings and lived in two different cities.
One of the sisters decided to keep the baby as she wanted one more child and asked my mom (who gave birth) to be sent to their home.
My mom agreed after some reluctance decided to part with me – the reasons which I really don’t want to probe as it wasn’t spoken to me in detail. However it was acceptable within families to have children taken from siblings or relatives and raise them.
This is how conservative families would do in certain circumstances. It seems very unlikely now but from where I have been raised be it in Bhagalpur or in Kolkata such life changing incidents would happen and it was accepted.
I did not bother too asking too much into it as I was glad and content I was raised in a loving family. Not even once did the feeling crop up that I was born elsewhere.
( One of the fond memories reflected through albums).
So, I had been brought to my aunt’s home ( my mum who raised me) when I was only three months old and I always assumed this was my family. Not once did I feel it was the situation where I have been adopted until conversations of parents records in school and other places cropped up. I do remember, that when I was taken in for class I admission, it did hit me hard as I couldn’t back out from reality. I was devastated as I wasn’t prepared for the truth.
I came to know of stories of Lord Krishna and Yashoda and how he was raised by someone else as a foster-mother. Meanwhile my own siblings had become my cousins now and it was awkward situation for me at least as this wasn’t how I really wanted my childhood.
In all school records and elsewhere my uncle and aunt’s name were mentioned as real parents as that has been the truth while whenever anyone would ask, I would promptly say my parent’s name ( those who raised me). It wasn’t settling well with me and this I feel should have been sorted by elders earlier with legal formalities completed.
In the household I was raised, I had two elder siblings who were much elder to me and I was the pampered lot.
I had an early marriage and kids followed in my life. I am blessed to have the love and support though I do feel adoption is a sensitive issue and a child’s interest needs to be taken care when doing it within the family.
( Amrita Sharma with her two kids).
My mom – Jayanti who raised me had off late got into too many health problems and it was a depressing phase for me. My bond with my late mom has been special and it will always remain so. Even now at many family functions, I am known as someone else’s daughter and not of the ones (who actually raised me). This is something I wish even to this day to be corrected as my entire childhood and memories are built in a home where there are no records to be proved legally. It is also important as sometimes there can be estranged relations or no emotions involved with the ones who gave birth to you, or with that family and the identity crises requires to be resolved at the earliest.
However as a parting note, would like to share that I have been blessed to have been raised by a mum who really cared for me and I can say that I didn’t come out from her body but from her soul.”
( All photographs are subject to copyright).