Ramya is not an ordinary mum. She is someone who ‘chose’ to adopt kids. Ramya is one of those few mums who ensured they embrace motherhood only through adoption and be committed to the decision.
In a telephonic conversation with Mums and Stories, Ramya M K shares her story. “Right from the time I was in high school, I was fascinated with the concept of adoption. I believed when growing up that when life would give an opportunity for me post marriage, I would be getting into motherhood only through adoption. I have to share little bit on my background, I have been taken care by my uncle and his family. I lived close to my parent’s home (biological parents) but had to be away from them as they had financial constraints. I was well taken care of in my childhood and I had seen the joy of how adoption brings to parents and the child. This was for a few years until I started living with my parents and sister.
When the stage of marriage came up in life, I had told my would-be-husband on how I would want to lead my life and my strong conviction on adoption. I also was very determined to find a partner who supported my decision on adopting kids and luckily I did find such a partner in life.
By the time we were married, I had lost my mother and my mother-n-law and this did create a void of motherly figure in my life.
Soon after marriage, within three months I was pregnant and except me everyone else was ecstatic. It was an unplanned pregnancy and I was waging a battle.
Everyone assumed I would give in to the regular motherhood phase. However slowly I was becoming adamant on my decision on adoption. Again, people around me were even more determined to convince me to leave my thoughts on adoption. Soon my husband started saying that we could think of adoption once we have our own biological child. He was supportive but he too had family pressure of his father asking us to go for a child in the regular manner. These circumstances were creating unnecessary pressure on us as a couple
As fate would have it I had a miscarriage. This made me believe that God was on my side and was showing the path for me. I was also detected with uterine tuberculosis and was undergoing treatment for this condition. Also I was busy with work, with recovery with my medical condition and life went on. Meanwhile I started visiting orphanages and adoption agencies. My husband has always stood by me like a rock in every decision.
At that time, the Government rules stated that one required to be married for five years to prove one cannot conceive through natural process of conception. It also required a certificate from a government medical doctor. While my husband was on par with my decision and it had become our decision, it was a difficult process to convince relatives, doctors we were seeing who were encouraging on natural conception, IVF and other methods. I also had to answer nosy relatives and others in neighborhood who were ready to give unsolicited advice on getting pregnant naturally. My answer of mentioning adoption was taken as arrogance, immature and everything negative.
It was a kind of an emotional battle which I so wanted to win as I believed it was the path for me. Circumstances were also making me believe that I was chosen to be the adopted mother.
Finally after multiple rounds to adoption centers and certificate from the doctor, we were able to welcome Saarthak in our lives when he was six months old. Saarthak has given us immense joy and we are indeed happy to be his parents. People talk a lot on other’s matters and this happened even after Saarthak came home. In the park, at social gatherings, people would point out he looked different from us parents and this would initially irk me a lot. Later I learnt how to answer them and now have taught the child to be stern and confident while answering unwanted questions.
We had to tell Saarthak, our first child about him being adopted and slowly he understood he didn’t come out from my tummy, but from my heart. We also took his acceptance while we were deciding on bringing a second baby home. I wanted a girl child and this time the rules had changed. Adoption had become through a centralized channel and we had to adopt a baby as a choice from any three states in India.
Spoorthi came home when she was three months old and it has been a complete family. We took Saarthak along while we had to finally bring Spoorthi home from Orissa. Today my other family members, relatives are happy with my decision. The children ensured I was adopted rather than them being adopted. I have been blessed to have them in my life.”
When being asked on what would her advice be to couples who are contemplating on adoption, Ramya shares, “If you are inclined to adopt, firstly be sure about the decision. Think it through how you will manage after bringing the baby home for next one year, later on and be mentally prepared. Also ensure you take this decision at the earliest in your married life. Don’t come to adoption as the last resort. While you are trying to conceive naturally or trying some other method, there is the door of adoption open for you as a choice .This saves a lot of time as one must remember even adoption process takes time. One should be destined to bring a child into their lives, but you can speed up the process with early and firm decision.
Also remember kids are ensuring they give life to you and not the other way round. Feel blessed and privileged to have them in your life.
Today I can say that unless I talk about my kids being adopted, no one can say they aren’t from my womb. The kids have brought us luck in our professional life too as I believe things started working for us as couple and me becoming an entrepreneur of a wellness centre only after I had the kids. I didn’t want a regular job as I wanted to spend time with both my kids and it has been my decision which has paid off.
Lastly do note that genes are not everything. ‘You can be a mother in many ways and adoption is a boon for parents.’”