April 17, 2021

Beena Santhosh on being an artist and a creative mum

Beena is a mum, artist and a Zumba instructor. At one point of time she identified herself working for a software company too.

At Mums and stories, we begin with a series of sketches done by an interesting mum who has portrayed her journey through motherhood with a series of sketches. This is the first series where she expresses of her emotions that ran through her during pregnancy and post a few months after having a baby in her hand.

” When asked , “how it feels to be a mum?”. She says, “ I was blank for a moment. Then my mind started generating words like –
Terrifying, Scary, Happy, Proud, Tiring, Amazing, Ecstatic, Frustrating….on and on and on.

But no word came on my lips, other than a contended smile.”

She describes herself with a series of adjectives and titles to identify herself- “ I am a mother, house keeper, cook, teacher, nurse, coach, chauffeur, story teller, insect killer, planner, monster, organizer, decorator, crafter, worst enemy, best friend, multitasking queen, super woman, magician, therapist, punching bag, play mate, on and on…

I never knew I had all these strengths but also those fears that existed in being a mum. My son…just makes my life complete.”

The series will continue on Mums and Stories with more sketches on Beena’s motherhood journey.

If you want to share your experience of being a mum comment or write to us at mumsandstories@gmail.com to share anything funny, ironical through pregnancy or post getting into the phase of motherhood. If it is really quirky and interesting, Beena can sketch it and we will credit the experience to you.

In this sketch, Beena shares her experience of seeing the baby for the first time. Most mums and dads have crystal clear memories on this phase. Here’s what this mum had to say, ” I was pregnant with my son. I didn’t have any idea about this process of pregnancy to post that phase. So, one tends to believe whatever other people say.

There was this person, who said ” if you put a poster or picture of a beautiful baby on your bedroom wall and keep seeing it. Your baby would look the same”. I believed, as they show in those movies and advertisements, just born babies are so chubby, cute looking and always smiling. So, I put up a cute, fair, chubby, blue eyed baby poster on my bedroom wall and kept seeing it, concentrating on it, imagining that is my baby. Then….my D-day came, I was very anxious to see my baby. My cute, fair, chubby, blue eyed baby with a smile on..always.

Post delivery, I saw my baby for the first time. I was under shock for a while, I was seeing this mean faced, wrinkled, crying, tiny human being, I was like “OMG!, who is this?”. I heard a “POP!” sound in my head. I got to know it was the sound of the first bubble of being a mum, got burst.As they show in those movies and advertisements, the relationship between a mom and her just born kid is so intense, that attachment, that satisfaction, that longing, that belonging etc…

I was not feeling anything that moment, except that I was feeling light. A weight I had been carrying for nine months was gone. I was worried something wrong with me. I am a bad mom.Then I saw my baby in my husband’s arms. My son stopped crying and slept peacefully in those strong arms of his father with a smile on.

My husband’s face- I distinctly remember, I could see that love, affection, satisfaction, that longing, belonging, peace and much more. It was just magical. I realized.

It was just not about me being a mum. It’s about everyone around me too. I also slept peacefully with a smile on”

In this illustration Beena talks on her ‘first fear’ that set in during the initial days of motherhood.
Beena Santhosh3
My first FEAR…
“At last I got my son back home from hospital. I wanted to talk to him, play with him, snuggle with him….but, the only thing he used to do, is drink milk, pee, cry, poop and sleep.
“SLEEP”… I never knew any person can sleep so much. I used to watch him sleeping, so peacefully and so still.
That is when my first fear of being mom kicked in ” IS HE BREATHING?”.
I was so paranoid that when he would sleep. I used to check on him every 5 minutes, if his tummy is moving up and down. That fear was so intense, it never let me be at peace or sleep when he was sleeping.
This FEAR, made me think. This tiny person, who is just been introduced in my life have such a strong hold no me. I am ready to loose myself but not him at any cost.
In a way , this fear made me connect deep with my son.”
In a new illustration sent regarding the motherhood journey series, Beena shares this time her learnings to make her own decisions.
Learning to make my own Decisions…..

“You know, that feeling when people around you try to make every decisions about your baby for you ?

Initially, there were these countless suggestions, opinions, rules and decisions about my baby, that were poured over me for me. Due to which, I wasn’t able to decide what my baby wanted or what I should do for him – utter confusion state.
I had prepared myself well for him, with all that intense reading and understanding of baby articles, books, blogs, videos etc., but, I was not able to remember or apply any of it when I was with him.

All of a sudden, I felt I am an un-reasonable, in-competent adult with zero common sense. Of course, a BAD MUM. I started to doubt myself with my baby.

Then, after torturing myself to core. One day, ME being ME, I said “GO TO HELL” to everyone [ of course in my thoughts ] and started to make my own decisions for him and for me. For which, we both reciprocated well. This step of mine  made me realize that I can take care and full responsibility of another LIFE. Which was a mind blowing thing.

One thing I learnt from this is…..no matter how much we research and analyse the ways to take care our baby, the bond between a mum and her baby resolves anything and everything. We just have to be confident, take one day at a time, go with the flow and enjoy it with our kids.

As it is said – Lost time is never found again.”

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